Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Merry Christmas, 2014

Two years after the world was supposed to end. I almost didn't make it through. I mean, not like I was going to drop dead or something but you know there are a few moments when you know this is your last year on planet earth. I had about 20 of those!

There were so many almosts as well…
I almost didn't make it through the year.
I almost got hurt by inconsideration.
I almost cared for stupid things.
I almost remembered why certain people weren't meant to be a part of my life.
I almost fell and broke my leg.
I almost fell in love with the wrong guy all over again.
I almost stalked a favourite star on Instagram.
I almost cried because a crush got married.
I almost quit my job.
Then I actually did!

Heartbreaks, hurtful confrontations, friendships lost, friends gained, lessons learned, this is what everyone expects to happen to them in a year. In retrospect when you look back these are the things that you’d want to say to yourself. That you’re a better person, that somehow everything that happened made sense, that it was destiny. But during the year there were things that didn’t make sense one bit and unfortunately they still don’t.

By the time it was June, I was fed up. Fed up of life and the people around me, of my job and the fact that it wasn't getting any better, of the mental blocks while writing and the inability to somehow be happy. But 2014, you were kind of a revelation too. You taught me a lot about myself, the stuff that I already did not know. I knew a lot, or so I thought. But this time the revelation was in comparison with the people around me, how I am not like them, how somehow I have crossed a lot of stages that people are still struggling with.

So yeah, I guess it was a cliché, you did teach me something, even though it was just an addition to what I already knew. So here’s what I know now.

I am not a naturally perky, happy, bubbly person.
I learnt that sometimes when you care for someone, they can still turn around and say that your friendship meant nothing to them. Yeah, it does hurt, but you always subconsciously know it.
I learnt that sometimes friendships break for trivial reasons and become a non-existent entity in your life.
I learnt that sometimes waiting, through the ridicule and taunts, standing your ground might bring you something that your life was waiting for. There is nothing wrong with waiting for something specific, settling just makes you weak and you need to be strong, for you.
I learnt that mistakes are something that everyone makes, but some mistakes cannot be forgiven and that’s okay. It doesn't make you a bad person if you cant forgive, it just makes you a person.
I learnt that a high self image, self-confidence and an air about yourself without being obnoxious helps you eliminate the riff-raff from the gems you should have in your life. People who are annoyed by this and cannot see through the façade are not worth it.
I learnt that I was always happy with who I was, it was the people in my life I wasn’t happy with. The people who made me rethink stuff about me. Trust me, you think they mean well but nothing good comes out of not being in love with yourself.
Second guessing is a good thing, it doesn't make you stupid, it is actually smart.
I learnt that I look really good in dresses and I actually like wearing them.
I learnt that being tall actually is a part of who I am and I always wanted to be tall. Wearing heels though is a death wish. Not because I am taller than everyone around me (I anyway am), but because my face does not wish to greet the floor.
I learnt that is okay to want to be alone and be comfortable with it. It doesn't make you a loner it just makes you a person.
I learnt that transformation is relative.
I learnt that not every guy is a gentleman and they will insult you once in a while. Just scratch their face and throw them out of your lives.
I learnt that jerks once broken down make really good friends
I learnt that normalcy is a state of mind. Silence is a virtue that I am in love with.
I learnt that tearing up does not make you a girl it makes you a person.

Yes, I learnt that everyone is a person; quirks, bad habits and all. Though smoking makes you a douche, but that’s my opinion.

Lessons learnt, beaten up, gotten up, whatever happened, I got through you 2014. I have a week more to go and now I am going to enjoy you. No thinking, no lessons, just pure fun, so I am ready to face your successor.

Merry Christmas, 2014. You've been OK.
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