Happy? New Year, 2023

Usually, Christmastime comes with reflections. I pen those reflections down and bid the year adieu. Writing still feels alien to me and I still cannot believe I used to do this as often as every single day before. Everyone has their ins and outs decided for this year, and it’s beautiful to watch people gunning towards metamorphosis with so much clarity. Isn’t that what a new year really is? Ground zero. A fresh start. If you start doing something completely unlike your being, people say, “That’s who you are now? Fair enough.” I’ve always loved talking to people about their resolutions, the passion with which they make a list of things that would help them transform comes from such a deeper place. It is a list of things they wished they could fix - a list that came from getting to know themselves a little better. This list represents hope but more than that, it represents action - it represents someone taking matters into their own hands to improve their life. Sure most of the resolutions maybe wouldn’t work out, but the fact that you know what’s wrong and how to fix it is such a BIG deal.

Well, here I am, with just 1 resolution for the year. This year I would finally like to heal. I hope to be able to still answer truthfully when someone asks me how I am. To acknowledge the pain I still feel and to let people see the chinks in the so-called armour I’ve been forced to wear. Here’s to a 2024 where I can bare my soul, but also heal parts of it.


And now, looking back to 2023…


I learnt that once you are honest about yourself to the people around you, you end up making connections that don’t make you anxious.


I learnt that if you want to break a cycle, generational or even at work, it will come with a lot of pain and mental harm - but it will be worth it.


I learnt that the stronger you are the more people depend on you. That might sound like a good thing, but sometimes it relieves you entirely of options when you have to do a little leaning yourself.


I learnt just like industry standards, your parents refuse to admit they’re ageing and also refuse to admit you are ageing too. Be the bad guy and drill it into their heads, they need to be reminded.


I learnt that it is okay to be constantly exasperated in a situation that you cannot do anything about. This feeling of suffocation sometimes helps you find a creative solution to get out of that situation.


I learnt that if you’re truly content about leaving a friendship or a relationship, the need for closure evaporates. Closure stems from knowing that you somehow didn’t do enough.


I learnt that when the need for closure is no longer there, you can relive the happy memories of the friendship and relationship fondly.


I learnt that once you understand that the people who know and love you, don’t invite you to certain things, it’s not because they are annoyed but because they know you would hate it.


I learnt that making friends at any age is possible, but it takes a little more to maintain friendships after a certain age.


I learnt that a balance in life is a myth and sometimes one part of your life takes over the other, and that is how it’s going to be.


I learnt that surrounding yourself with people who don’t judge you for the direction and balance your life takes, really helps your quality of life.


I learnt that a calendar of when you will see your friends next is a great incentive for anything else that goes awry until that point.


I learnt that it is okay for you to not have all the information about everyone in your life.


And finally, I learnt that my resemblance with my father has just increased over time, and he’s probably left a piece of his soul that LOVES the colour red inside me somewhere.


Here’s to a 2024 that’s filled with hope and so many resolutions that even achieving 10% of those makes you feel transformed and rejuvenated.