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Mush ado about nothing

"That's the goal, I want to feel as less as I possibly can."
"That might be a good thing."

I was watching one of my favourite recent movies and suddenly my heart stopped at these lines. These are the lines that I use, this is the conversation that I have. Constantly, with people and within myself.

How did not feeling become a good thing? For everyone who knows me knows I write romantic fiction, my go to books especially when I need a pick me up are always classic romances and I love watching romantic movies. I will be the loudest 'aww' you'll hear when something cute is happening in the vicinity. But everyone who knows that also knows I run away from this mush when it is directed to me.

Friends who are concerned I might be suffering from a split personality disorder or people who stumble upon this blog after getting to know me always ask the same thing. And they get different versions of "this is not for me" thrown at them. I've never come up with an answer to give that convinces anyone or myself. I've known what it is all along but putting it in words hasn't worked out, and yes folks I'm a writer.

This movie that I've been loving had a lot of insight into love and happily ever after and that got the thought process ball rolling. Was I just cynical about love or was I hiding from something or covering something up?

The thing is, when I write romantic fiction or when I watch a romantic movie, there is certainty even if there is uncertainty. I'll explain, in any romantic movie I know the guy and girl will fight, the parents will oppose but in the end they will find their way to each other (or they will die together) either way their love will know and have an end. This certainty is missing from life.

There are so many things that we are dealing with on a daily basis that clarity and certainty becomes the last thing on our minds and that is especially what crops up in romantic scenarios. In DDLJ, no one knew what the future held. Simran ran and caught the train with her lover Raj, the only thing they knew was marriage. But will Simran work after marriage? Will she study further? These things weren't discussed. In the movie world living in the present is applauded, in the real world these things are thought about first.

The perfect man in my favourite books is the man who says, "I've got this", and he actually does. But today in the real world, I want to be the one who says I got this. In the movie and book world, the guy gives the girl a compliment and flirts with her, she succumbs to his charm and they start dating. But in the real world the girl worries that if his lines are coming out so smooth who else has he tried them on and how many at the moment have fallen for the same charm she's about to fall for. In the perfect book and movie world, the play boy or bad boy turns good for the girl, and she knows it's true but in the real world, she might be checking his phone while he's asleep.

Mush sounds beautiful when it has an end, a certain place it needs to reach but in today's world there is a lot of uncertainty to take romance seriously. Romantic love is the dream, it is something that everyone yearns for and I applaud the people who can feel it and embibe it in their daily lives. But I am not made for it. Let's face it guys, a love story wouldn't be as fun if you didn't know there was going to be a happily ever after

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