Saturday, July 22, 2017

I can't do this

"I am tired."

This was the millionth time she felt like she was saying it, but this time it was more to herself than to someone else. More to herself than to him. He was exasperated, pacing around, running his hands through his hair. He had so much to say, but she couldn't listen anymore. 

"I am tired, Alex. I am exhausted. I don't know if I can do this for much longer."

His memories went back to the first time he saw her, huddled up in a corner at his favourite book store, weeping. Yes, she was weeping because a book had overwhelmed her. His first thoughts then, "what a weirdo!" Not so surprisingly this weirdness got him to walk up to her with a tissue and tell her it was all going to be okay. 

"It's going to be okay Kimberly, we will figure this out together," he said, more to himself than to her, trying to pacify his racing heart while looking like he was trying to pacify her. 

"WE? I don't think WE can do anything here Alexander," she said raising her voice a little. 

She remembered the time she looked up from the most touching love story that she had ever read to see this man holding up a tissue telling her it was all going to be okay. She was flustered but more so because she wasn't sure why he was not minding his business walking about just like the rest of them. She wanted to ask him all these questions but instead she just took the tissue and wiped the embarrassment off her face. The next move was all it took for her to know this wasn't just another conversation. 
"I am done talking Alex. This is too much."

Alexander remembered the poor teary puppy dog-eyed girl who looked up at him and took the tissue right out of his hand. He had decided he wanted nothing to do with her and was trying to debate with his brain and heart about why this was a bad idea when involuntarily he felt his hand going down as an offer to lift her off the ground. He didn't know why he was doing that, but he knew then that his brain and heart were not going to listen to him. 

"I know this will not help. But please try and calmly think things through Kim. You don't know what you are saying," he said trying to catch a hold of her hand as she took it away. 

It was that moment when they left his favourite bookstore together that they knew this wasn't going to be a one off thing. That this was something more than it seemed, that this was something they would remember. 

"I love you Kimberly," he said as he inched slowly closer to her. "I know you are tired and I know this is difficult but I am here with you and we have to do this together," he kissed her forehead, she looked as beautiful as she did the day they met. A little angry and a lot more pregnant. 

"You do this alone the next time," she said as he chuckled. 

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