Merry Christmas, 2018

This year was a horror roller coaster that I definitely felt going by. From domestic changes to professional overhauls this year went by fast but it was a blow to the gut. Knocked the air out of me this year, if I am being honest. Usually, through the year I learn a lot of things about myself and the people around me and situations in general, which I pen down at this time. This year, a lot of things I learnt about me are a lot of things I’d like to change.

I learnt that I have the patience of a Tibetan monk.

I learnt that I am patient because I like to avoid the truths that I should face and the confrontations I should have for my sanity.

I learnt that there are times when I am highly affected or I am absolutely indifferent, there’s no in between.

I learnt that I am beyond comfortable in the ‘friend-zone’ and I barely ever realise when someone wants me to get out of that zone.

I learnt that in relationships, friendship is that one situation where somehow distance doesn’t matter.

My most intimate conversations have been with people who I do not meet every day and some are even miles away. In this case, the distance is what makes the heart fonder.

I learnt the I absolutely dislike giving up in any aspect of my life. This, sometimes at the cost of my mental well-being and sanity.

I learnt that I sort of gave up on what Instagram meant to me. I did what I did on Instagram because I truly loved the aesthetics, but the number game almost made me give up on something that I like.

I learnt that there isn’t a correct age to meet a soul mate, and they may or may not be a romantic partner.

I learnt that physical space is as important to me as mental space.

I learnt that the next couple of years for me would be reserved for professional growth. I also learnt that it is possible to be great at something and dislike doing it also.

I learnt that sometimes in my life, very few times, I like to depend on a few people for a few things to occur. I learnt that this year, all the people I picked were the wrong people.

I learnt that some friendships are like bad marriages. You know the flaws, you know the downfalls and sometimes you want to kill each other. But you’ve just been together for so long that you don’t know how to let go. It is comfortable however bad it is.

I learnt that empathy is situational and people feel it only when they want to. I also learnt that if you are empathetic, it’s an art you hold on to. It’s a rare quality.

I learnt that there will always be people around who will make you feel bad about everything that you do. Listen to them, introspect, but don’t change yourself unless YOU really want to.

I learnt that despite everything people leave and people enter your life; you will never have control over those things.

I learnt that being honest with yourself is the only way to make it out of any situation with your sanity.

I learnt that I look amazing in a bikini.

I learnt that your confidence needs to depend on you.

I learnt that the world around you will not grow up along with you. But, they adjust with you just as you do to them. It’s the way things work.

Finally, I learnt that positivity is difficult to come by and you needn't see the silver lining in everything. But always have ONE thing that will keep you afloat while you are sailing through this phase.

I can’t ask time to slow down. I can’t ask for things or people to come into my life. I do not have any resolutions that I need to make. For 2019, I am asking for uneventful-ness, I am asking for mental health and I am asking for myself, back.

Alright 2019, come at me. I am not ready but we shall wing it!