The Friendship Conundrum

Every time I hang out with my dad and his best friends, who are still his best friends, I usually ask him, "how do you keep in touch through life with friends?" I also usually put it up as an extrovert thing. Something extroverts excel at. Through the years, I have lost touch with a lot of friends and gotten back in touch with some of them. It's been such an up-down journey. Every friend story for me has been different. We have lost touch for varied reasons. We have fought for so many reasons and we have just gone into a lull for so many reasons. 

Here's the thing. Some say friendship is tough love, you need to be honest with your friend however awful it might sound. They need to hear it from you. But friendship is also about boosting your friend up when everyone else is putting them down. So which one do you use and when? I have lost out on friends because either they've been a little too tough on me, or because I have on them. I have also lost connections because I have not told my friends the truth about something that they were wrong about or not told them something they should've been told about. So tough love or just an immense amount of love? 

Some say friendship is about pushing through your friend's boundaries when you sense something is wrong. Hound them until they tell you, cause even if they seem like they don't need someone, that's when they need someone the most. But friendship is also about giving your friend the space to heal, and they will talk to you when they're ready. But which one do you pick? I have lost friends because I have tried to ask them what's wrong before they were ready but I have also had friends who thought I didn't care enough because I didn't ask. So, to push or not to push?

There are so many versions of friendships and so many ways people connect with you, there's just always a confusion. 

So here's what you do.

BE A FRIEND. Be what comes to you naturally. Give tough love to a friend or boost them up. Push their boundaries if you want to know what's wrong with them or leave them alone. But here's the most important thing, don't expect them to be a friend right back. Wait, hear me out. If you are giving tough love because you think they need it and they don't, don't hold it against them. If they think they need to not be around you because of what you've said, then that makes a lot of sense to them and for them at that time. Your true friend or the one who is meant to stick around will either come back after this supposed debacle or would understand that you might know something they don't! 

Either way, you need to be a friend even if they don't. Be there when they come back and be there even if they don't. The friendship thing will always be a conundrum, but the way you feel about it doesn't have to be. 

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