True (love) Detective
Kaleb was pacing. Left-right-left-right, almost like he was playing a tennis match with his thoughts. He had to say it to her, he had to talk to her.
You're a grown-up Kaleb, this isn't the first time. Why are you behaving like a teenage chump? You've come a long way from being a nerd in school. Puberty has done its job and it has served you well for the last decade, okay two decades. Stop being nervous.
Kimberly has been watching this thought tennis match for the last five minutes. He was so preoccupied, he didn't even notice the sound of the lock clicking and her entering the apartment. She did make a few sounds, audibly dropping the keys on the counter, thumping her bag on the couch beside the door, but nothing seemed to phase this inner monologue. After watching him pace for a bit, she was dizzy and needed to sit.
"Hey Kaleb, let me know when you're about done. I'd like to go get some water in the kitchen..."
"When did you get here? Did you hear anything? How long have you been here? You really shouldn't snoop on people like that? Do you want your chilled bottle of water?"
Good going Kaleb, he thought to himself. Great to make things not too weird. Well done, nerd.
"Wow. Let's answer those, shall we? I got here about 15 minutes ago. I heard nothing, nor did you, clearly. Again, about 15 minutes. I wasn't snooping, I have a key. And yes, I would want my bottle. Now, what is happening, what are we pacing about for?"
"Nothing. Nobody. I am trying to get my step count up. This new Fitbit you bought, it makes me feel bad when I don't reach the step goal."
"Of course, okay. Kaleb why don't you sit and tell me what's up and then maybe we can see why the Fitbit won't take into account your 3 hour morning workout."
Kaleb was cornered. He knew there was no way out. Say it, say it, say it, say it...
"I LOVE YOU!"
"Why did I scream? What is wrong with me? Why is this so difficult? Did I say all of this out loud?"
"You yelled because you had psyched yourself out. You're just a nervous emotional person, it's not wrong. I don't know why that was so difficult. YEP, it was out loud. Can we sit now?"
By now Kimberly had made it to where he was pacing and was tapping his shoulder as she always did when he was pacing. Kaleb called it an oddly comforting non-invasive dog pat.
"I love you."
"I know."
"How? Am I not mysterious anymore? Am I predictable? Are you bored?"
"You're a grown man, with a very active social and personal life. You have things to do and a demanding day job and friends you like. But mysteriously, you choose to spend all of your free time with me, a person you've just known for a year?
Mysteriously, I have become the only person who has a key to your apartment, "for emergencies" even though your friends live in the next building and I live miles away.
It's also an endearing mystery that suddenly your wardrobe has a lot of oversized shirts and hoodies, that you wear when you're at home even though they are too big for you. Only to give them to me when I feel like I have nothing to wear. They're always ready, always doused in your cologne and mysteriously always ironed.
You are very mysterious Kaleb, but I am a detective."
"Right. Okay. Thank you for the ego boost. I did need that. So, I love you."
"I know!"
"IS that the answer you're supposed to give? Isn't there something else you'd want to say."
"Oh my dear man of mystery, let's see if you can follow this.
I also do spend all of my free time with you. I mysteriously use the key a lot, without any "emergencies" and I mysteriously almost always have nothing to wear when I come over to your house.
You aren't a good detective at all. Can we go eat now? I'm sure you've covered your steps for two days already."
Kaleb was beaming like the nerd who just got accepted to his favourite college. Should've paid more attention to detail buddy!
You're a grown-up Kaleb, this isn't the first time. Why are you behaving like a teenage chump? You've come a long way from being a nerd in school. Puberty has done its job and it has served you well for the last decade, okay two decades. Stop being nervous.
Kimberly has been watching this thought tennis match for the last five minutes. He was so preoccupied, he didn't even notice the sound of the lock clicking and her entering the apartment. She did make a few sounds, audibly dropping the keys on the counter, thumping her bag on the couch beside the door, but nothing seemed to phase this inner monologue. After watching him pace for a bit, she was dizzy and needed to sit.
"Hey Kaleb, let me know when you're about done. I'd like to go get some water in the kitchen..."
"When did you get here? Did you hear anything? How long have you been here? You really shouldn't snoop on people like that? Do you want your chilled bottle of water?"
Good going Kaleb, he thought to himself. Great to make things not too weird. Well done, nerd.
"Wow. Let's answer those, shall we? I got here about 15 minutes ago. I heard nothing, nor did you, clearly. Again, about 15 minutes. I wasn't snooping, I have a key. And yes, I would want my bottle. Now, what is happening, what are we pacing about for?"
"Nothing. Nobody. I am trying to get my step count up. This new Fitbit you bought, it makes me feel bad when I don't reach the step goal."
"Of course, okay. Kaleb why don't you sit and tell me what's up and then maybe we can see why the Fitbit won't take into account your 3 hour morning workout."
Kaleb was cornered. He knew there was no way out. Say it, say it, say it, say it...
"I LOVE YOU!"
"Why did I scream? What is wrong with me? Why is this so difficult? Did I say all of this out loud?"
"You yelled because you had psyched yourself out. You're just a nervous emotional person, it's not wrong. I don't know why that was so difficult. YEP, it was out loud. Can we sit now?"
By now Kimberly had made it to where he was pacing and was tapping his shoulder as she always did when he was pacing. Kaleb called it an oddly comforting non-invasive dog pat.
"I love you."
"I know."
"How? Am I not mysterious anymore? Am I predictable? Are you bored?"
"You're a grown man, with a very active social and personal life. You have things to do and a demanding day job and friends you like. But mysteriously, you choose to spend all of your free time with me, a person you've just known for a year?
Mysteriously, I have become the only person who has a key to your apartment, "for emergencies" even though your friends live in the next building and I live miles away.
It's also an endearing mystery that suddenly your wardrobe has a lot of oversized shirts and hoodies, that you wear when you're at home even though they are too big for you. Only to give them to me when I feel like I have nothing to wear. They're always ready, always doused in your cologne and mysteriously always ironed.
You are very mysterious Kaleb, but I am a detective."
"Right. Okay. Thank you for the ego boost. I did need that. So, I love you."
"I know!"
"IS that the answer you're supposed to give? Isn't there something else you'd want to say."
"Oh my dear man of mystery, let's see if you can follow this.
I also do spend all of my free time with you. I mysteriously use the key a lot, without any "emergencies" and I mysteriously almost always have nothing to wear when I come over to your house.
You aren't a good detective at all. Can we go eat now? I'm sure you've covered your steps for two days already."
Kaleb was beaming like the nerd who just got accepted to his favourite college. Should've paid more attention to detail buddy!
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