Merry Christmas, 2020

Oh, this year! I mean, I don’t know if I want to hurl expletives through this post or thank the universe for giving me an “in the pandemic” excuse. I have severely mixed feelings about this year. Have I really loved the lockdown phase? Kinda yes. But has it made me appreciate the things I usually took for granted? Sure. I haven’t been to a movie theatre in eons, and that was something that I almost always did, either every other week or weekend. Watching movies by myself was the greatest thing, and I haven’t done that in ages. But is that really enough to hate on 2020? I saw my extrovert friends slowly losing their minds as they were confined to their homes and I realised nothing really was different in my life, except the fact that a few things that I really wanted to do, I couldn’t. That didn’t seem like a make or break situation though.

But, here we are at the end of 2020 and now the entire world is going to talk about how amazing they have been and how much they did DESPITE the pandemic and well I am here to tell you, that I really didn’t do too much of anything at all. I just survived, kinda enjoyed the enforced alone time and changed a few things around. Apart from that, this is what 2020 taught me.

I learnt that I am absolutely content travelling by myself. 

I also learnt that I am a completely different version of me when I travel alone. 

I have also learnt that I am capable of a lot of debaucheries when I am travelling alone.

I learnt that my need to travel/be alone really ruffles a lot of feathers around me. 

I learnt that I have some stunning friends who accept these quirks so beautifully, that I forget these are actual quirks and it might be weird to some people. 

I learnt that sometimes strangers celebrate your birthday in a much better way than the people you know could ever.

I learnt that this year has really cemented the fact that I REALLY do love it when I am alone and undisturbed.

I learnt that I can be a good leader/mentor or a good boss. Both in the current work culture seems like two opposite sides of the spectrum when it shouldn’t be.

I learnt what once bitten thrice shy really means. 

I learnt that I have more in common with my best friends than I would like to admit. 

I learnt that I am not the only person on this planet is about to be 30 and isn’t married.

I also learnt that this is a topic that triggers existential crises in a lot of people including me.

I learnt that writing for me stems from happiness, and though I might’ve been okay this year, I wasn’t happy.

I learnt that I am not too bad in front of a camera as long as there is someone around whose clothing can be crumpled with my death grip that stems from my anxiety of being looked at. 

I learnt that my constant avoidance of attention has really hindered a lot of my growth professionally and personally.

I learnt that always being a team player never really does anyone any good.

I learnt that work from home with no option to go anywhere is the devil’s blowhorn and it isn’t even remotely as glamorous as we thought it would be.

I learnt that my life hasn’t changed too much except that I wear a lot more nightshirts and pyjamas.

I learnt that I never really wore bras in the first place so feeling relieved about not having to wear a bra is just something I did to feel included.

I learnt that I absolutely love the anonymity the mask gives you.

I also learnt that I could have dead eyes and still be having a full-on lip sync battle with myself underneath my mask. This is my secret talent this year.

I learnt that the older the friendship the easier it is to hate each other at a particular moment but still be in each other’s vicinity. 

I learnt that with some friends of the opposite gender, you always stay in the twilight zone. 

I also learnt to accept that the twilight zone isn’t too bad as long as there is a partial boundary somewhere. 

And finally, I learnt that you really don’t need people to survive but it really helps to have a couple of them around anyway, just in case.

Well, that’s a bitter-sweet wrap on 2020. 

I won’t say 2021 should be kind, cause we aren't done dealing with the crises yet, but I do hope the new normal brings some sort of a ray of sunshine.

That’s that. Merry Christmas, 2020.