Letting Go....

                      

It had been about 15 days since she had been back. She was back after 3 years, it was raining heavily. She decided she would step out. As soon as she did, A familiar scent filled her nostrils, the smell of wet mud. The cloudy weather, people would find it gloomy, but not her. She loved this weather. She thought it was soothing, calming and beautiful. After all the heat of the summer, the monsoons come around to cool you down. She didn’t even mind the muck and the mosquitoes. Just the thought of getting drenched in the rain again brought a huge smile to her face. She thought she would take a walk, maybe even have some awesome pakoras and chai at her favourtie stall. Equipped with some money, a wind cheater, her boots, an umbrella and ofcourse her ipod she set out, to embrace her favourite time of the year. Her favourite stall was just a couple of minutes away from her home, but she took her time.

She got to the stall and ordered her favoourite “bhajiyas” and a nice cup of masala chai. As she was about to dig in, someone called out to her, “Meher?” The voice was something she could recognize in her sleep, but the person had changed. He looked older, rugged even. But there was no mistaking that smile. “Oh! Hi Amaan.”After all the awkward small talk and pleasantries they could muster, Meher finally asked him why he came back. “My father is ill, he asked me to come down and so I did.” She knew, but she didn’t want him to know that. He didn’t know she went away, he didn’t know anything and she wanted to keep it that way. Amaan was a beautiful part of her life, for whatever it was worth she was happiest when she was with him, until one day they weren’t.

“Why? Why Amaan Why? Why are you doing  this? I thought we were happy..I thought we wanted to be together..Now what is this? Is there someone else? “

“I am fed up Meher. I cant do this anymore. All these fights everyday, I cant. I hate all this. And the truth is I cant be with you anymore. i am moving away and I need to concentrate on the things in store for me. I cant be with you. Or rather I don’t want to. “

“Okay. Go away. Leave.”

There were tears in her eyes as she remembered the last time she saw him. It was raining outside she remembered. Her eyes were now welling up with tears, but luckily they were standing in the rain. He asked her what had she been up to. After a vague answer she finally told him about her leaving. “Oh Meher, that is so amazing!”, he said. She didn’t tell him the reason, the reason why she left, why she had to go away.

The rain became severe, it was now hurting to stand outside. Amaan and Meher decided to take shelter in a café nearby. The rain was falling faster and harder just like the questions in their minds. Suddenly they had been there a couple of hours. Talking, reminiscing, asking and answering questions, talking about the 6 years since they last saw each other. Every unanswered question was answered. The rain was still on, as heavy as ever. The people outside kept saying the roads are jammed. There is no way out. Amaan nudges Meher, “Remember the last time we were stranded like this?” They laughed. Meher remembered it like it was yesterday.

“Oh No Amaan! What do we do now!? Your parking lot is submerged in water. How am I going to get out of here??”

“Hum Tum ek kamre mein bandh ho, aur Paani bhar jaaye.”

“Oh Gosh! Shut up! This isn’t a hindi film. I am actually stuck here, stranded. What are we going to do? This isn’t a good thing! I was supposed to be home 3 hours ago. Stop laughing! This isn’t funny.”

“Aww cmon! This is absolutely funny. You look so cute when you panic.”

“Im going to get bloody adorable now! Get me out of here.”

“Yes Amaan I remember. I was so angry at you and the rain, and so scared even. And you were being such an unhelpful jerk.” Meher said. They laughed some more. Slowly the rain slowed down, and their coversations did too. Finally the milliom dollar question was asked,”So meher, are you with someone now?” This question was what Meher was waiting for. She knew he would eventually ask. “No”, she said. She didn’t bother to explain anything, and he didn’t ask for more. The rain finally stopped, roads started clearing up. It was time for her to leave, she told him. “Meher”, he said, “now that the both of us are here, would you like to go out for dinner sometime?”. She expected him to ask this.

She walked up to him and hugged him. Then she looked into his eyes and said, “I loved you Amaan, I loved you more than I have ever loved anything before. I loved you for a long time even after you left. And believe it or not, I still love you. But the thing is, it has been six years now. And you left, you left when you had to hold on, you hurt me when you promised to protect me, you went away when I expected you to stay. I have lived with that for the past 6 years, I haven’t been able to forgive you. But after talking to you today, I managed to do so. But that is about it, I forgive you Amaan, but that doesn’t mean I am ready to be a part, any part, of your life. I don’t want to be a part of your life anymore. So I am sorry, but No, I donot wish to have dinner with you. Take care of yourself and Uncle. See you…”

She walked away. Stronger than she had ever been. She finally moved on, from the place where she had been standing for the past 6 years. She looked back, one last time, at the past, that she finally managed to leave behind.