The BIG two and five

It is here, the age I have been dreading and looking forward to all rolled into one. The day, turning 25 on the 25^th, an endearing thing that has been hanging like a sword on my head. I was psyched about the age, a part of me was of course supremely calm saying, “oh it is just another year big deal.” Another part of me, the panicky part said, “you’re supposed to be an adult, aren’t you supposed to have all your crap together by 25, aren’t you supposed to be independent, you’re an epic fail!”

Slowly, I give my panicky side a tranquilizer and thought about what this age means to me. I started thinking about turning 25 when I was about two decades old. That is when I started doing internships and somehow everyone at interviews asks you what your five-year plan is. Honestly, I hadn’t given it any thought but to sound like an anxious over achiever that is eager to learn I always would say, “I see myself being good at my job and applying everything I have learned.” I know, what a sham! I have given a variation of this answer at EVERY one of interviews and trust me I have had my fair share of them.

Twenty-five was truly the age where I thought I would be one of those high flying ladies brunching and lunching with my friends. Even though I would like to believe that’s not who I am, I have actually gotten closer to that. I do look and sound like a grown up a lot more than not. The boyfriend-less and shapeless me at 16 wanted to be married by now, yeah that ship has sailed little me. I feel like nothing has changed but as I look back everything has, I was always a grown up but I figured I grew up into my grown up self if that is making sense.

This is what I know now…

I was afraid of my dad and his staunch beliefs, no I don’t mean it in a personal way, but he had these rules about clicking pictures and posting pictures and talking about me and me talking about him; well, I learned I am his daughter and his weak spot. I learned that I am allowed to break his rules and embarrass him and then endure the angry stares which I have gotten used to through the years.

I learned that through all these years when I thought my parents were against me taught me to not have a sense of entitlement for the things I do and the things I deserve.

I learned that while I was always the 12am friend that showed up every single time, it was wrong for me to expect the same treatment from them.

I learned that growing up doesn’t necessarily mean becoming independent, growing up also means understanding - understanding yourself, people around you, and your circumstances.

I learned that even though it is okay to not know your calling by the time you are 25, but it is not okay to wait around wanting it to come and hit you in the face.

I learned that the first few years working is just to keep you afloat and learning to deal with all the crap that flies your way.

I learned that my uncles and my father have spoiled me for choice and I will always compare all the affection I get to how much they have given me and it will always fall short.

I learned that if given a choice between hanging out with my friends and hanging out with all my sets of parents, I would pick them any day and twice on Sunday.

I learned that everything does happen for a reason but sometimes the reasons are not something you can agree with.

I learned that I will always yearn for my father’s approval, I didn’t say my parents’ because mom has always been my cheerleader but dad on the other hand is someone who has been my worst critic or at least he pretends to be one. But I want his nod for everything that I do, and sometimes I force it out of him.

I learned that with age comes tolerance and that is definitely a point that confirms you are growing up.

I learned that whatever I do I will always be criticized by someone or the other so the least I can do is find something positive and learn from it and then abuse the jackass for being so mean in my head, maybe even plan their murder.

I learned that my appearance defines who I am only if I let it. No this isn’t another hashtag body positivity comment, but it basically means that my personality always should outshine my appearance.

Finally, I learned that when the big two and five comes around all your plans go flying with peter pan and there you are left with the blocks that you have built unknowingly through the years. And your best bet is to make sure you know the person you are and stay afloat.

Well, now that the tranquilizer is wearing off, my panicky side is going to start looking for the wrinkles that are definitely on my face. On that note, here’s the good OLD me saying, bring it on 25!